Monday, December 05, 2016

Roxanne Snopek: The Chocolate Cure & Christmas Letters

Hello readers!

It’s time for the Annual Christmas Letters to start arriving. I don’t write one, figuring that if you don’t already know what’s going on with us, we don’t like each other that much anyway.

Plus, I’m always depressed after hearing about how great everyone else’s lives are. After all, I didn’t put in a pool last year… or save a whale/cure Chlamydia/get my PhD/bear famous offspring/visit an orphanage/run for office/kick the booze/etc.

So, if I DID write a Christmas letter, it would probably go something like this:

(Tongue firmly planted in cheek)

Merry Christmas from the Champion Family!

To our distant relatives and obligatory acquaintances:

Since we won’t be there to partake of the Sweet-Potato-Brussel-Sprout Delight with you in person, we’ll share the highlights of the past year like this.

First of all, our best news of all: that thing on Jumbo’s neck turned out to be benign. What a blessing! They won’t take it off, something about insurance, so I made him a scarf. You can still see the outline, but it helps hide the smell and it’s pretty dashing, if I say to myself.

Also, we’re officially empty-nesters now! Between Jumbo’s traveling five days a week and having the trailer to ourselves, we’re like newlyweds again! Although I must give credit to our court-appointed therapist, who helped us each grow and develop personally, as people, and as individuals, too.

Our oldest, RuBella, is a new gal these days, since they changed her medication. She’s now pursuing her dream of becoming a taxidermist. If what she did with the neighbor’s dearly departed pet raccoon, Stink-Eye, is any indication, she’s found her path! And they said she shouldn’t be around knives!
Just goes to show you, doctors aren’t always right! LOL! (Don’t worry, sis, I know Johnny is better than the average doctor. We’re so lucky to have such an accomplished, handsome, sweet nephew in our gene pool. I KNOW.)

The twins, Calico and Fortrel, had a big year, too, between getting the ankle bracelets off and passing their urine tests! Cali, the brainiac, is studying for her piercing certificate, and Forty, the maternal one, is going after her kids again. If she wins visitation rights, I’ll be a grandma! And me so young!
Though if they find the father of the third one, we might be SOL, so I hope he stays “disappeared.” I loved him dearly but, to be honest, he was a bit of a felon.

The other twins, Beau and Deau might not be doctors, (LOL, love you sis!) but we’re still proud of them! They’ve really turned things around with their latest business venture! We’re not too sure of the details; first it was agricultural. Now they say it involves cooking. Who knows these days? And not to brag, but it sure brings in the cash! Just last week, they bought me a skillet!

Perfect timing because since the menopause, I’ve been a wee bit moody and I find throwing cookware helps. It’s great exercise! LOL! And thanks to the hot flashes, I haven’t had to plug in the heat yet this winter! Bonus!

And then there’s our little after-thought, Pru-Marie-Suzette. PMS is such a blessing! She’s off on another one of her crazy adventures to parts unknown, with funds unknown, and her new guy, also unknown. The police know him, though, so that eases our minds. It’s hard to let go of your babies, isn’t it?

As for me, I’ve been restless, what Jumbo on the road and my chicks all launched, so guess what? I started my own business! I’ll have more details when the kit arrives but let me just say it’s a product I believe in 110%! I’ll be making $4000 a week, from my own home! (Don’t tell Jumbo… but this year he’s finally getting that fancy Blackberry he’s had his eye on!)

If you get a chance, stop by for some home-brew. Don’t worry, success hasn’t changed us one bit!
Love, and Merry Christmas from the Champions

And to read about a slightly-less-crazy family, watch for Roxanne’s upcoming book THE CHOCOLATE CURE, coming January 4, 2017, as part of the Love at the Chocolate Shop series from Tule Publishing.

No more chocolate! No more meddling! No more men!

New Year’s resolutions are great. Announcing them in a crowded bar, with a chocolate martini in her hand? Not Maddie Cash’s finest moment. It’s time this new realtor got serious about her life and this time, she means it.

But when hospital volunteering lands her at the bedside of bruised and battered Mick Meyer, who has no knowledge of Maddie’s reputation – and no memory of the kiss he begged from her during that long, pain-filled night, her best-laid plans are put in jeopardy. It’s not just his sweet tooth that’s tempting her.

The hunky bush pilot with the concussion has an old family property to unload. Making this sale could be Maddie’s professional salvation. But when Mick turns on the charm, she’s in danger of forgetting all her best intentions... on chocolate... on meddling... and especially on men.

Available for pre-order NOW:

1 comment:

dstoutholcomb said...

Loved the "Christmas letter." I don't write them--that's why we have Facebook. Everyone sees all the highlights of each other's lives.