When Life Gives You Lemons...

by Joanne Rock

April has pummeled the heck out of me this year. It started off happily, as I was able to spend time

with a dear friend I hadn’t seen in years. I met her in New Orleans and we had days of “just us girls” time, which I love. But once I got home, things fell apart fast and I’ve been limping along ever since. Throw in a significant work deadline, and I’m exhausted—emotionally and physically, too.

I’m not here to complain… just maybe to commiserate, because I know you’ve all been there. Whether it’s a family crisis, a personal rift, a health scare, a death in the family or… well, there are many things that can wrong in a life on any given day, aren’t there? Anyway, picture a month that trampled you, and let’s talk about it for a minute.

It’s funny how when things start rocking in life, the reverberations are felt in every corner or your existence. Work feels harder. Tasks that you used to be able to knock off your to-do list easily start piling up and feel overwhelming. And the loneliness of going through a hardship is unique too. No matter how many friends you have, some hurts are yours alone, and there’s a sadness in having to bear those wounds by yourself.

I’m determined to shake off some of my hurts and worries as May begins. I’m not depressed in a clinical sense, so please don’t think I’m offering advice on how to battle something like that. I’m just talking about coming back from those life potholes that leave us bruised and saddened. Where to start to find joy after an emotional wound?

For starters, I’m choosing my safe places to talk openly very carefully. I’ve learned that venting too

much, or in too many directions, can only come back to bite me when well-meaning people in my life inadvertently remind me of the crisis down the road when I don’t want to think about it. So I share the hurts with just a few trusted souls, and find the balancing of venting enough to get the sting out, without overloading everyone I know.

Then, I’m exercising. And I don’t do the gym or anything strenuous, but I’m getting out every day to walk or ride my bike. Sometimes twice. The fresh air and moving around is always, always a good idea to change my perspective and helps me look outward. Eating well when I feel down is more important than ever too, since a poor diet when I’m down only succeeds in making my body feel as bad as my head and my heart!

You know else has been kind of helpful for me? Taking a mental inventory of my worries, figuring out if/how I can address them, making a plan to fix what I can, and then giving myself permission to bag up the rest and toss it out of my head. If I need to get up and write down my plan before I go to bed, I’ll do it. But once I write it, I can’t think about it anymore. I guess taking the worry out of my swirling thoughts and putting it somewhere else is what I find useful.

So, change focus, take of myself, share what I can of the burden, and then get back to doing the things I love until I can stop fixating on a hurt/loss. I hope I can find time to sleep a little more, too, but I know that’s not always an option when you’re going through a tough time. But small kindnesses to yourself count. You might not be able to sleep in on the weekend, but could you call a friend for coffee? Treat yourself to a new plant that will remind you of growing in a positive direction? Rearrange a room in a way that you find more cheery? My environment has a big impact on me, so things like that are good for me.

But I do think the prescription for getting through a tough time is uniquely personal. Ideally, we learn how to come back from life’s arrows more effectively over time. We strengthen our relationships with those who remain close to us. Hold hands with those we love and hope things get better. Certainly, we owe it to ourselves to nurture our spirits with the same tender kindness we’d show to a dear friend.

*What do you do for a pick me up when you need some emotional TLC? And let me share some kindness with you by sending a book to one commenter, because I always think romance is uplifting no matter what. And yes, I’m reading more this week! I’ll send one random poster an advance copy of my June Desire, Rancher in Her Bed.