Life List and Why to Have One

By Jillian Ross (as told to Joanne Rock), heroine of THE FORBIDDEN BROTHER

Long ago, I had heard of “life lists.” Some people called them bucket lists, but that’s simply another term for a list of things to accomplish/see/do in a lifetime. For me, that idea sounded pushy—another way to make me feel like I wasn’t achieving enough in an already packed-full existence.

But after a frightening health scare, I saw a “life list” in a brand-new light.

Maybe it’s because a scary diagnosis cuts through the noise of an average daily to-do list in a hurry. But suddenly, I didn’t feel the same pressure to tackle the spring cleaning or dazzle my boss with overtime. My priorities shifted, and I had a new clarity about how I wanted to spend my time. And it wasn’t working or cleaning.

Enter the life list. Or, in my case, my list of 100 Life Adventures—things I wanted to do, places I wanted to visit, experiences I wanted to have. When you are worried you don’t have much time left, you become more stingy in how you spend it. Now, I started making

travel plans to see the American West. That was a big thing I wanted to do along with watching a sunset on the Mediterranean. But my list is full of little things too. Buy an easel and paint whatever I want outdoors on a sunny day. Pick wildflowers and give bouquets to my neighbors just because. Window shop while wearing big Audrey Hepburn shades. Order the best wine off a menu.

My life list was fun to write because I spent time thinking about moments that would bring me joy.  Even anticipating the moments—visualizing them—brought a kind of joy. It made me realized that focusing on me was overdue. None of us know what tomorrow will bring. So why not live with joy, in search of happiness and new adventures, today?

Ready to try one? Here are my takeaways from writing my list:

Brainstorm long and hard. Don’t just take the first idea that comes to mind. Sure, you can write the first ten ideas quickly, but after that, stop and think about how you can refine them. And once you get past the first handful of ideas, dig deeper. This list isn’t something you write in a day. You come back to it again and again as you are inspired by the world and people around you. What life experiences do you want to have? What adventures have you seen other people undertake that make you wish you could do the same?

No limits. Don’t edit your ideas to fit your budget or lifestyle. Dream big! You can’t achieve your real aspirations if you aren’t honest with yourself about what you want.

Kick fear to the curb. It’s important not to let fear of failure hold you back. No one needs to know about your life list—there’s no judgement! Committing a dream to paper is the first step to making it happen, but you can’t let fear hold you back.

Be specific. Goals are stronger when they are measurable. So while it’s okay to add “make new friends” to your list, it’s even better to spell out ideas for the how and where. “Attend two book clubs at the library and hold meaningful conversations with at least three people” is a goal that gives the “make friends” idea more teeth! Help yourself with actionable steps to guide you toward the goal.

**Photographer and film location scout Jillian Ross tackles two of her goals on her list of Life Adventures when she visits Cheyenne, Wyoming and orders the best wine the local bar (The Thirsty Cow!) has to offer. That scene opens THE FORBIDDEN BROTHER, and sets up the meet between Jillian and local rancher Cody McNeill.

 So... What's the first thing you'd put on your life list? One random poster will receive a copy of Catherine Mann's The Twin Birthright!