Monday, March 15, 2010

What "Hard Drive" Really Means...

I’m getting this post into the blogosphere a little late today—and with good reason!

This past weekend, while I was in the middle of working on my new book, ALL of my websites crashed. Yep, all of ‘em. At the same time, for different reasons.

Not only that, but I was also hosting a contest on my blog for folks to win Jenny Gardiner’s book Winging It, and a whole bunch of people were left fumbling around wondering how to win. I’m hoping to have the contest back up soon!

Anyway, I learned a lot this weekend. And now I’m taking a break from my long and ongoing ordeal to rewrite the definitions of common computer terms so people know what they REALLY mean….

So here goes:

Definitions of Computer Terms, What they really mean!

CSS: Computer Stonewalled Syndrome. Characterized by glazed over eyeballs, finger cramps, and a tendency to fall asleep while envisioning that HTML code is actually a favorite romance novel…

Hard drive: The trip to Staples when you know you’re about to spend at least a grand on computer software or repairs…

Hexadecimal code (aka hex code): A six digit code devised by computers that makes people think they are choosing code that represent certain colors, but instead they are actually choosing a series of evil curses (hexes) to put on hard drives.

HTML: Hard To Make Out Language. The official spoken language of web developers. They will insist on speaking it, even to those who cannot speak it with them.

Hypertext: The emotionally charged and hyped-up rant you send to your IT guy’s cell phone.

Navigation Bar: Where frustrated writers go to have a drink and/or the hop a flight to the Bahamas after a long weekend of being tangled in the Web.

POP email accounts: Email accounts that cause your computer to make odd little noises when they misfire.

Screen Resolution: When you decide throwing your monitor out the window is the best way to handle the situation.

Server error: When your kid is playing volleyball in the living room, and he spikes one at your computer.

That’s not my department: Encoded language, not just for computers. Generally means “You’re screwed.”

Web developer: High-paid professional whose job is to take your computer problems and tangle them up even more (or at least, give the appearance of extreme complication), thus creating a “web.”

If you like this list, please feel free to pass it along to anyone you might know who has also suffered computer mayhem! Or leave your own definitions below!

Exhaustedly yours,

Lisa Dale


denise said...

Computers---can't live with them and can't live without them.

Martha Lawson said...

Too funny and all too true!!

Mary said...

Oh wow, those are great and it makes so much more sense now. :)

Pat Cochran said...

I must confess, I do not speak or
understand computer! I only know
how to switch the machine on, how
to go to my email, and how to reach my favorite blogsites. For any problems that may crop up or procedures that I'm not familiar with, I call down the hall to Honey. He is my go-to-guy for anything from changing ink
cartridges to actually building a
computer, if necessary!

Pat Cochran

Sue A. said...

Too true! Funny and sad that it's come to this.

Christina Hollis said...

Lisa, that is so true. You've hit a lot of nails right on the head with your post. My OH is a systems analyst - that's an eerie presence hovering just beside you, always ready to ask; 'I'm REALLY interested to know why you did that...' (and not only at the computer but also in the kitchen, in the car, etc etc)

Lisa Dale said...

Thank you guys for the sympathy and giggles!

cheryl c said...

Funny and sad, too! I love my computer, but it sure can be frustrating sometimes.