I’m getting this post into the blogosphere a little late today—and with good reason!
This past weekend, while I was in the middle of working on my new book, ALL of my websites crashed. Yep, all of ‘em. At the same time, for different reasons.
Not only that, but I was also hosting a contest on my blog for folks to win Jenny Gardiner’s book Winging It, and a whole bunch of people were left fumbling around wondering how to win. I’m hoping to have the contest back up soon!
Anyway, I learned a lot this weekend. And now I’m taking a break from my long and ongoing ordeal to rewrite the definitions of common computer terms so people know what they REALLY mean….
So here goes:
Definitions of Computer Terms, What they really mean!
CSS: Computer Stonewalled Syndrome. Characterized by glazed over eyeballs, finger cramps, and a tendency to fall asleep while envisioning that HTML code is actually a favorite romance novel…
Hard drive: The trip to Staples when you know you’re about to spend at least a grand on computer software or repairs…
Hexadecimal code (aka hex code): A six digit code devised by computers that makes people think they are choosing code that represent certain colors, but instead they are actually choosing a series of evil curses (hexes) to put on hard drives.
HTML: Hard To Make Out Language. The official spoken language of web developers. They will insist on speaking it, even to those who cannot speak it with them.
Hypertext: The emotionally charged and hyped-up rant you send to your IT guy’s cell phone.
Navigation Bar: Where frustrated writers go to have a drink and/or the hop a flight to the Bahamas after a long weekend of being tangled in the Web.
POP email accounts: Email accounts that cause your computer to make odd little noises when they misfire.
Screen Resolution: When you decide throwing your monitor out the window is the best way to handle the situation.
Server error: When your kid is playing volleyball in the living room, and he spikes one at your computer.
That’s not my department: Encoded language, not just for computers. Generally means “You’re screwed.”
Web developer: High-paid professional whose job is to take your computer problems and tangle them up even more (or at least, give the appearance of extreme complication), thus creating a “web.”
If you like this list, please feel free to pass it along to anyone you might know who has also suffered computer mayhem! Or leave your own definitions below!