Saturday, November 08, 2008

Exhausted by the evil genius that is my son

I had planned to do a nice writerly blog about one of those nice writerly sorts of topics but to be honest I'm completely exhausted and it's all because I own a Scorpio son. You see this particular Scorpio is going to be six next week and to say he's excited about his birthday wouldn't really be doing it justice. Obsessed is probably a better word. For weeks he has been scheming what sort of presents he will get and by lieu of talking about it every minute of every day (think water torture without the water) we somehow found ourselves going to Toyworld and buying these presents on the strict understanding that he couldn't have them until next Friday.

Fools that we were.

Instead of getting some peace my son is now spending every minute of every day trying to negotiate a new contract so that he can get his hands on the presents sooner. I tell you that if the government really wanted to get information from enemies spies, all they need to do is give them a NeoShifter Energy Base and then send my son in after them. He would have them begging for mercy in no time at all. And oh how I wish I was joking.

The worst of it is that the minute the birthday is finished he'll start working on a Christmas campaign which will probably make his current assault look like something an amateur might do. In fact, I feel weak at the knees just thinking about it. The only consolation about having such an evil genius of a son is that every now and then he turns his scheming mind to my problems, like the other day when I was busy trying to come up with some cute things to put in my Zombie Survival Packs for when my new book, Zombie Queen of Newbury High comes out next year.

I had just about given up on trying to find anything cute and zombish to use when he suddenly asked why I didn't just use his favorite candy - yup, you guessed it - they're called Zombie Chews and I only buy him one every week from the corner shop. Mom zero. Genius son one. Oh, and of course when I went and bought twenty Zombie Chews guess who managed to get three for himself? Oh, to be so brilliant!

So, does anyone else have an evil genius and if so, any tips on how to stop them from fleecing you would be greatly appreciated!!


Lucy said...

Oh yes, kids can be tricky. Maybe it is true that when they're that age they're smarter than the parent. Then, as they get older, they lose the brain cells parents used to have and then it all evens out and the parents "get smarter". You think?

Avi J said...

Kids really are something. I had a neice who always dropped hints about this butterfly chain she wanted for her birthday. The conversation was so far away from jewllery sometimes and yet she would mention it.

Terry S said...

I, too, have a Scorpio child although older than your son. I can't offer you much other than a warning that it doesn't get any better, only more ingenious!

All the scientific studies now keep telling us how important brain exercise is to maintaining good mental health. Besides loving him to pieces, you son is also your very own,personal daily brain exercise!

Sara Hantz said...

As you know, from my experiences, it will only get better.... or should that be worse mwahahahahaha

Helen said...

Children are such a joy aren't they mine have grown up now but I have two grandchildren and my nearly 3 year old grandson is such a know it all beautiful but he is so smart I can only laugh at him sometimes I am sure he has been here before LOL

Have Fun

Gina said...

l can so identify with you, my nephew is the same way

Amanda Ashby said...

Well, an update. We caved in this morning and gave him a present. I swear he pumped his arm in victory!!!! Bless, he did look very lovely though when he was opening it!!!!

Lucy - I am clinging to this hope with both hands!!!!!

Avi J - hehehe, that totally made me laugh and with that sort of comittment, I hope she got her chain in the end!!!!

Terry S - the thought of him becoming even more ingenious is making me feel weak but I do like the idea of him being my own personal daily brain excersie (if of course my head doesn't explode first!!!!)

Sara - you are evil!!!

Helen - yes, sometimes they are just so ridiculously brilliant that all you can do is laugh!!!

Gina - it certainly makes for interesting times!!!!

Pat Cochran said...

My children were angels compared to
my grandchildren! For weeks as the
catalogs have come in, they have pored over each and every one with
great intensity. Last evening when
my son arrived with 4 of his young
ones, two of them had catalogs in
hand. Luckily, I had several for
the others to study! I have made a
ruling: all Christmas lists have to be in my hands by mid-November!
Otherwise, gift choices are up to
me - totally up to me!!!

Pat Cochran

Amanda Ashby said...

Hahaha - Pat - they sound like my son. Yet my daughter is so placid and is happy with whatever she gets!!!

Christina Phillips said...

Hahaa, this is so funny. And I'm sorry but Sara is right. It only gets worse!! (or better, it probably depends which way you look at it!!)

Michele L. said...

Oh my! The curse has sprung! Kids really do stick there foot in their mouths a lot. My nieces were like that, always dropping hints. Oh well,...have a fun week!