Monday, August 18, 2008

A Husband Wanted

So, as I was surfing the web last night, too tired to write but not tired enough to actually go to bed when I ran into the most interesting blog. It's and it deals with-- you guessed it-- a smart, funny, emotionally mature woman who is looking for a husband. Calling herself Ms. M, she very candidly discusses the fact that she is single, has one child and has taken a little longer than average to grow up. But now that she has-- and is really proud of the woman she's become-- she can't find a man to share her life with. So she's challenged Asheville, where she lives, to find one for her.

Her basic qualifications for a husband are as follows:

I no longer want someone just to be there; I want someone to lead when I start to forget where I'm going and to make me laugh when I'm taking life too seriously. I want someone who isn't afraid to tell the truth, even if it makes me cry. I want someone who can admit when he's wrong so that he and we will always be able to grow. I want someone to sit in the dark with- no words necessary. I want someone who isn't afraid to drop everything and go anywhere. I want someone who will not settle for mediocre, for almost, for halfway. I want someone who doesn't give up and won't take no for an answer (unless it's me saying it). I want someone who isn't afraid to sneak in the back door at a party we weren't invited to. I want someone to present a different angle at life, at art, at music, at politics (mmm…. let's not get too crazy). I want someone to help me decide what is or isn't best for my child; someone to balance the scales so that my daughter isn't a mini replica of myself, regurgitating all my own opinions and attitudes towards the world. I want someone to teach me things I would have never thought to learn. I want someone to get lost with, to grow with, to discover with. And lastly (and mostly), I want someone who will bring me closer to God through the simple act of living.

When I first read this, I thought, honestly, what an absolutely brilliant idea. Fed up with blind and internet dating, sick of the bar scene, responsible for a young child-- what does a young, single woman like that do to find a man? Recruits an entire city to help her on her search. What an excellent start.

That thought was immediately followed by, geez, maybe I should pay a little more attention to this blog. After all, I write stories about young, single and attractive women looking for their special someones-- how interesting it is for this married, thirty-two year old mother of three to truly get inside the head of a single woman again. Especially one as eloquent and together as M. seems to be.

Which then got me thinking about that time twelve years ago when I met and fell in love with my husband and all the things I expected life and love to be about. It reminded me how much I've changed and he's changed through the years. How we've grown up together, learned to live with and love each other's differences yet never lost the spark that makes us who we are as a couple. How even after all these years he still challenges me, listens to me, makes me laugh and is the absolute best father I know.

So thank you, Ms. M for your candid, idealistic and oh so wonderful take on finding a soul mate. It sure helped me focus-- on my writing and my relationship with the man I love-- just as it reminded me of everything I hold dear in a relationship. I wish you all the best on your serach-- and if a smart, funny, single guy comes my way-- I'll certainly send him yours.

And for the rest of you, M's laid out her classifications for a man, as have I. What do you/did you look for when you choose/chose someone to spend your life with? And what do you think of M's approach to finding a husband?


Jessica said...

LOL, that is too cool.
It also makes me think that it might make a very cool plot for a book.

Tracy Wolff said...

I agree, Jessica. Think of the possibilities . . .

Aideen said...

I think any specifics I may have had in mind pretty much evaporated the moment I first met my husband. I had known him for a long time during school but never well enough for more than a quick 'hi'. After he'd been in Melbourne for a year I bumped into him when he arrived home. Asked if he could buy me a drink, I told him as I was already standing at the bar and had my money out perhaps I could buy him the drink. We spent the whole night laughing and a year and a half later we were married. Years later and blessed with four lovely boys I think did rather well for myself. Especially considering we met on Friday the 13th.

As for Ms. M - fantastic and brave and grounded in reality. I wish her all the best in her search.


Pat Cochran said...

Based on forty-seven years of happy
marriage, I wish her the best but
any fellow reading that list might
just take a few steps back. So much of what she listed, I would say was
her own responsibility. I'm not saying don't reach for the stars,
but maybe not all at the same time.
Give the man a chance to breathe,
then go forward slowly.

Pat Cochran

Tracy Wolff said...

Congratulations, Aideen! What a great story. And Pat, I agree that a lot of it seems hard to attain. I just hope she gets what she's looking for.