Pass the Optimism, Please

by Joanne Rock

As we close out a year and a decade, I’ve already started thinking about what’s on my To Do list for New Year’s resolutions—New Year’s Goals, really, since I tend to think about where I want to head next whenever the calendar changes.

The past year was a rough one for me, leeching away some of my hopes and faith in people, leaving holes in my heart. I’ve spent months trying to patch myself back together, pushing away old hurts to breathe deep and focus on the things I can control in life—my perspective, my projects, the people I let close to me. Sometimes, that’s all you can do after a loss. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.

But as the year comes to an end, I find I want to do more than just keep moving. In 2020, I’d like to patch up my weary soul and restore some of the optimism I seem to have lost. Unfortunately, that’s a goal that doesn’t come to fruition just by speaking the wish aloud. How do I recapture the old joy after a year of hurts?

First, I plan to unplug. Not right away, as I have work commitments to honor and I need to be online while I see those through. But once the bulk of my professional obligations have been met, I hope to take a hiatus from social media and even my phone. Remember the days before cell phones when you could go for a hike in the woods without anyone knowing where you were for the day? Granted, there is a reassuring sense of safety that comes with a cell tower signal. But there is also a sense of anonymity and adventure that is lost by being reachable 24/7. I think it would do me good to turn off the phone, disconnect, and just BE for a little while. I’ve looked outward for a long time, reaching my hand out to others whenever I could, and I’ve enjoyed that. But while I’m refilling the emotional well, I think focusing on just me could be helpful.

After that, I plan to re-nest. I’ve moved a lot in the past few years, and I think the merry-go-round of homes is a tangible reflection of the pieces of myself I’ve misplaced. I’d like to regroup in a physical way even as I regroup emotionally. I plan to find a home and lovingly remake it into my own space for a new phase of my life. My bedroom will be a place to invite good dreams. My workspace will be a place to invite stories in a way to encourage my Muse. Old things I don’t need will be re-homed and I want to store away as a little as possible. I’m going to create a clean, lean space that reflects me.

Next, I plan to travel, but not so much with a focus on places as on people. I have made many wonderful friends over the years, and some of them I haven’t seen in decades. I plan to reconnect with people I love by showing up in their hometowns and asking them to hang out with me. I’m calling it my Grand Tour. I don’t know how many people I’ll get to see this year, but even just seeing one or two friends so I can enjoy those old connections again feels like it would be spiritually renewing. I can’t wait for that part of the plan to happen.

Finally, through it all, I hope to be present to all the little moments I can be. My sons are grown, so I can now focus on me in a way that I haven’t in years. I loved my time with my boys at home, but now I will need to start loving this new phase of my life as it presents me with different opportunities and different people. I’m going to embrace the newness and find out what I can do to make the world a better place, or a happier place, with my time and talents. I’m trusting the universe to put those opportunities in my path.

Available 2/1/20

That’s my 2020! A new adventure. A new decade. A soul renewed. But it all starts with giving thanks for what I’ve learned up to this moment—even down to the hurtful things that have taught me what I’m made of. No one gets through this life unscathed, even optimists like me. Today, I feel weary. But I know that by year’s end, I will have wonderful new things to be thankful for, and it all starts with a plan for change. Cheers to you in the New Year, my friends. Thank you for reading my books and sharing my stories. I hope 2020 brings you all good things.

**What are you doing New Year’s Eve? Will you be mulling over the year to come? Smooching a loved one at midnight? Share with me and I’ll give one random poster an advance copy of RULE BREAKER, book 3 in my Mesa Falls series from Harlequin Desire.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

by Joanne Rock

April has pummeled the heck out of me this year. It started off happily, as I was able to spend time

with a dear friend I hadn’t seen in years. I met her in New Orleans and we had days of “just us girls” time, which I love. But once I got home, things fell apart fast and I’ve been limping along ever since. Throw in a significant work deadline, and I’m exhausted—emotionally and physically, too.

I’m not here to complain… just maybe to commiserate, because I know you’ve all been there. Whether it’s a family crisis, a personal rift, a health scare, a death in the family or… well, there are many things that can wrong in a life on any given day, aren’t there? Anyway, picture a month that trampled you, and let’s talk about it for a minute.

It’s funny how when things start rocking in life, the reverberations are felt in every corner or your existence. Work feels harder. Tasks that you used to be able to knock off your to-do list easily start piling up and feel overwhelming. And the loneliness of going through a hardship is unique too. No matter how many friends you have, some hurts are yours alone, and there’s a sadness in having to bear those wounds by yourself.

I’m determined to shake off some of my hurts and worries as May begins. I’m not depressed in a clinical sense, so please don’t think I’m offering advice on how to battle something like that. I’m just talking about coming back from those life potholes that leave us bruised and saddened. Where to start to find joy after an emotional wound?

For starters, I’m choosing my safe places to talk openly very carefully. I’ve learned that venting too

much, or in too many directions, can only come back to bite me when well-meaning people in my life inadvertently remind me of the crisis down the road when I don’t want to think about it. So I share the hurts with just a few trusted souls, and find the balancing of venting enough to get the sting out, without overloading everyone I know.

Then, I’m exercising. And I don’t do the gym or anything strenuous, but I’m getting out every day to walk or ride my bike. Sometimes twice. The fresh air and moving around is always, always a good idea to change my perspective and helps me look outward. Eating well when I feel down is more important than ever too, since a poor diet when I’m down only succeeds in making my body feel as bad as my head and my heart!

You know else has been kind of helpful for me? Taking a mental inventory of my worries, figuring out if/how I can address them, making a plan to fix what I can, and then giving myself permission to bag up the rest and toss it out of my head. If I need to get up and write down my plan before I go to bed, I’ll do it. But once I write it, I can’t think about it anymore. I guess taking the worry out of my swirling thoughts and putting it somewhere else is what I find useful.

So, change focus, take of myself, share what I can of the burden, and then get back to doing the things I love until I can stop fixating on a hurt/loss. I hope I can find time to sleep a little more, too, but I know that’s not always an option when you’re going through a tough time. But small kindnesses to yourself count. You might not be able to sleep in on the weekend, but could you call a friend for coffee? Treat yourself to a new plant that will remind you of growing in a positive direction? Rearrange a room in a way that you find more cheery? My environment has a big impact on me, so things like that are good for me.

But I do think the prescription for getting through a tough time is uniquely personal. Ideally, we learn how to come back from life’s arrows more effectively over time. We strengthen our relationships with those who remain close to us. Hold hands with those we love and hope things get better. Certainly, we owe it to ourselves to nurture our spirits with the same tender kindness we’d show to a dear friend.

*What do you do for a pick me up when you need some emotional TLC? And let me share some kindness with you by sending a book to one commenter, because I always think romance is uplifting no matter what. And yes, I’m reading more this week! I’ll send one random poster an advance copy of my June Desire, Rancher in Her Bed.