Dealing With A Real Life Issue In A Fictional World

Have you ever come up with an idea, moved forward with it—then have it morph into something completely different? I mean, so different, it doesn't even look like what you started with.

Yeah? Me, too. Welcome to my crazy world of writing.

I'm what's known as a pantser: an idea will pop into my head, I'll mull it over a bit, then start writing and see what happens. Do I have a general idea of what's going to happen? Sometimes, in the vaguest sense around. But I don't "plot", not in the way people think of "plotting". It doesn't work for me.

Usually the story will unfold in my mind as I write, taking on a life of its own. And yes, it's usually guided by the characters. Future scenes become a little clearer as the story progresses and I'll make a note or two as I go along. Sometimes there's a scene or two I want to have happen, or some important tidbit I need to include in the story, and I'll note that before I get to it.

It's my process, and it works well for me. I may not have a concrete road plan, but I always have a general idea of where the story is going.

Well, maybe not always.

That's kind of what happened with FACE OFF, The Baltimore Banners #10, which released May 9.

I knew who the main characters were and I knew what the story was about. I knew where I wanted the story to go—in that vague sense I always have when I start a story.

And then my characters revolted. I mean, big time revolted. Yes, it was still going to be a friends-to-lovers story, a tale of best friends discovering that there was so much more to their relationship.

Only it didn't turn out to be quite that simple.

About a quarter of the way in, my female lead character veered off in a direction I never saw coming. A direction I tried to fight because I wasn't sure how to handle it.

And I sure as hell had no idea how it would be taken.

Turns out, she was suffering from severe depression. MDD—Major Depressive Disorder—to be exact. It's estimated that 6.9% of the US population and 350 million people worldwide suffer from some form of depression.

I admit, it gave me pause. For more than solid week, I fought the direction she was leading me in. I didn’t want to deal with it, to the point of deleting and rewriting, fighting, and even thinking of scrapping the whole thing and starting over.

Then I had to ask myself: why? Why was I so set against following my characters' lead, when I never had that problem before?

It wasn't just the fear of readers' reactions. No, I think this one was a little closer to home.

I've had three episodes of what might be called severe depression: once, after being involved in a particularly bad accident; post-partum depression after my second child was born; and again, six or seven years ago. I was fortunate all three times because I had friends and family—a supportive husband—who noticed it, who stood by me. More importantly, they made sure I didn't fall deeper into that black hole of despair and helped me climb out of it.

So yeah. Maybe this one was a little too close to home. Once I realized that, I knew I had a choice to make: scrap the project completely, or let myself fall back into that hole—this time from the perspective of my heroine.

And I admit, it was a hard decision to make. I was afraid to revisit that, even though I think what my female lead was going through was much worse than what I experienced. It took quite a bit of mentally arguing with myself to sit back down and let my characters tell their story, but I did.

And I was scared to death at the end. Scared how readers would react. Scared that I didn't do the problem justice. Just…scared, period. Hitting submit on Face Off was probably one of the hardest things I had to do.

And hell, I'm still scared. So far, the reviews have been overwhelmingly positive. I've received many emails and messages thanking me for writing the story, all of them emotional, all of them striking an emotional chord deep inside me. One in particular makes me cry happy and sad tears just thinking about it.

And yet, the fear is still there. Maybe it's not really the fear of reactions, but more the fear of people dismissing the very real pain and trauma of depression and how it effects everyone, not just the person fighting it.

Things have changed in the last ten, twenty, thirty years. How we view depression, how we treat it, even our understanding of it. But there's still a stigma attached to it. There are still those who dismiss it as a weakness and who belittle those suffering from it.

Maybe that's what the real fear is.

And maybe, instead of being afraid, I should be angry. Angry at those who refuse to acknowledge its existence. Angry at those who continue to belittle it and dismiss it as a weakness.

Depression isn't a weakness. And it takes more courage, more fight and grit, to deal with it, to get a handle on it, to claw your way out of that dark pit of despair.

For those who are fighting the battle, stay strong. And know that you're not alone—we're here for you. I'm here for you.

And I understand.

***************

Face Off, The Baltimore Banners Book 10, released on May 9. You can pick up a copy at your favorite vendor by clicking here.

Lisa B. Kamps is the author of the best-selling series The Baltimore Banners, featuring "hard-hitting, heart-melting hockey players" [USA Today], on and off the ice. Her Firehouse Fourteen series features hot and heroic firefighters who put more than their lives on the line. She's introduced a whole new team of hot hockey players who play hard and love even harder in her newest hockey series, The York Bombers.

To learn more about Lisa and her titles, please visit her webpage.

Virginia Heath: Life Through a Lens...

The first time I went to Disney was 20 years ago. I will never forget the experience. My two kids were little and totally believed all the characters in those fancy suits were real. It was, as Disney so often promise, magical.

I especially remember the fireworks. All those twinkling patterns set to music, high above Cinderella’s castle. Next to me was a solitary man who watched the whole display through the viewfinder of his video camera, while his children stood next to him. At the time, I thought it was an odd thing to do. Here he was, surrounded by all this atmosphere, his three children filled with awe and wonder, missing the full experience as he recorded it for posterity. It struck me as a waste of a good memory.

Twenty years later, we visited Anaheim again and just had we had that first time, and on numerous visits to different Disneylands around the world since, we found a spot on Main Street and waited patiently for the fireworks. This time though, we were one of the few spectators in that sea of people not holding up our smartphones and watching the spectacle on the screens.

Back home in London a few weeks later, I was sat outside a café on the banks of the River Thames. To my right was the magnificent Tower Bridge. To my left, the wonderful Tower of London. A group of Japanese tourists walked by, and it struck me that they were all holding selfie sticks, viewing those amazing sights on the small screens of their phones rather than experiencing it in the flesh. Since then, I see this all the time. Every event seems to be so meticulously filmed that the people doing the filming are distanced from the great things happening in their own lives.

My point is this, it is Christmas Eve. A time for sharing all the joy of life with those you love. For the next few days, put down your phones people. Live in the moment. Enjoy it. Those memories will be revisited more often than all those hours and hours of video ever will.  

Happy Holidays!

Virginia Heath writes witty, fast-paced romances filled with feisty heroines and mouth-watering heroes she would want to fall in love with.

The Discerning Gentleman's Guide, is out now.

The Keyword of the Day -- Passion by Michelle Monkou

Feels like our iconic celebrities have seemingly passed into the afterlife without pause for us to grieve and get over the shock of one before another leaves us. It's my take on life that each of these individuals provides a lesson that we could stand to learn and apply to our own lives. 

With Author Sherrilyn Kenyon

No matter how they died, they accomplished a lot because of AND through their passion. And so the keyword for the day is passion. 

We all have something that makes us passionate. It can be simply reading, reading aloud, reading to children. And no matter what you do in your day job or as your hobby, you will find that time to read. 

If you are away from home, you will curl up in your new place and read. Why? Because you LOVE to read. 

Your mind would constantly wander to the next opportunity to read.

This passion to read would be so intense that if you were hooked up to bio-feedback machines, your body's responses would register that it's in a happy state.  In other words, there is a particular partnership between intensity and passion. Some will understand (finding your tribe) and some won't (the haters, the negatives, the moodkillers). That's okay. The passion is your unique marker on your life.

With RWA's Executive Director Allison Kelley

My passion is writing. I have written school papers, college papers, short books, and long novels. I've written poetry, magazine articles, and contributed to major national newspaper's blog. Paid or unpaid, I wrote. Graded or not, I wrote. If only one person, as the teacher, or an internationally-wide readership read my work, I wrote.

Hours have been spent on this passion. Days of my life have been spent on this passion. Thousands of dollars have been spent on this passion. Writing is my life. 

And so when I pass onto the afterlife, I hope that my love of what I've done is duly noted and that I have not squandered time not feeding this passion.

With Author Nora Roberts & friend and critique partner Julia Canchola

What is your passion? 

Living in The Moment by Michelle Monkou

Living in the moment sounds easy. It's a mantra that's repeated so much on social media that you think who doesn't live in the moment. Or what's so hard about living in the moment?

Really I don't have the answers. But I find myself doling out that advice to my kids. Maybe it's knowing that I've walked some of their paths in life, or I've faced some of the indecision and questions in life that suddenly makes me the quasi-expert to say live in the moment.

My daughter headed for a year in South Korea as a study abroad student. It was a big decision--financially, culturally, and geographically. Changing the mind was an option, but couldn't be blindly indulged, either.

As the day of her departure grew closer, I could see the nervous spike of indecision close to the surface. So I did a preemptive strike to have my daughter focus on the wonderful adventure that she was about to embark.

She's a history major. She enjoys Asian studies. What a great way to see what so many can only read in text books or see in movies.

She's learning the language, too. She will have the opportunity to learn not only the language, but the culture and etiquette that go hand-in-hand with attention to hierarchy.

She loves to travel. While I have introduced her to several countries through our travels, there is wide breath of places still to see, visit and even revisit. Our world is vast and yet, in the whole scheme of things, it is small.

She writes fan fiction. Already as a creative and highly imaginative endeavor, now she can actually see places and sites that will further enhance her creative outlet.

She's shy, but not painfully so--otherwise, a trip around the world would have been a massive undertaking. Here she is meeting students from all over the world. Her confidence is boosted as she communicates and learns from her fellow student-friends. They have a chance to bond and share in a relaxed environment where their differences aren't a wedged between them.

I don't know what the future holds for her. But she is in this wonderful space of time and location to enjoy it for what it is. Treat it as an adventure. Treasure the memories. Be bold and live fearlessly.  The rest of life awaits her (knock on wood).

As we video chat, I take away what I've learned from her. The feeling of optimism and hope. The wonderment of what's out there, but also the realization that we have more similarities than differences. And time doesn't sit still or wait on anyone. Soon she will hit the midpoint of her stay and then the roller coaster ride will feel like it raced to the end, when she'll return home.

So my continued advice to her and all of you out there: Be curious about life. Treasure its miracle. Live in the moment.

Michelle Monkou
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