Pages

Thursday, November 07, 2013

Laura Lee Guhrke: Matchmaking Tips

I got married in June, which given my abysmal lack of dating success during much of my lifetime, had become about as likely as winning the Powerball or being abducted by aliens. Despite being a romance writer, I’d given up on love, but fortunately for me, my friends were not ready to do the same. Through those friends I met my husband, a meeting that not only changed my life, but also made that life more amazing than I could have imagined. My matchmaking friends also helped inspire my latest historical romance, Whenthe Marquess Met His Match, where Victorian matchmaker Belinda Featherstone helps American heiresses find their very own British Prince Charmings.

Unfortunately for most American singles, they don’t have a professional matchmaker like Belinda to help them out. But they do have friends, and those friends may include you. So, if you know some singles out there, think about trying your hand at a bit of matchmaking. You never know, you might find yourself at their wedding a few years later!

I know it can be intimidating to try pairing up your friends, but there are a few guidelines to make it easier:
1.       Pair up people you actually like. I know that seems obvious, but it must not be, because this advice is in every article on matchmaking out there.

2.       Consider their compatibility and mutual interests, but don’t be ruled by those things. Ultimately, chemistry always wins out.

3.       Try to introduce them at a party, rather than setting them up a blind date. Less stressful.

4.       Be honest in your descriptions and show photos if you can. This keeps expectations real.

5.       Don’t take it personally if things don’t work out.


So, there you have it. Everything you need to know to start pairing up your friends. Have you ever attempted to be a matchmaker? If so, how did it go? If not, why not?  Share your matchmaking tips for a chance to win a $10 Amazon gift card!

***The winner is Barbara E.!  Please email totebag@authorsoundrelations.com. Thanks!***

30 comments:

regencygirl01 said...

I have never been a matchmaker, but some ladies at work fixed me up with a client at the travel agency I worked at. Didn't go well

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

Regency Girl, I actually introduced two people that got married seven weeks later! Of course, I've also introduced people that hated each other on sight. You just never know.

Pat Cochran said...

My hint is to introduce people that you really, really know well, otherwise
the results could be disastrous! Not only for them, but for you as well!

Pat C.

Jo's Daughter said...

Oh I don't meddle in other peoples love adventures/lives. Doesn't go well as you never know what someone is really looking for or wants. Often they don't even know themselves. Better focus on your own (potential) matches, if you ask me :D

Connie said...

I think trying to do something like that could turn out to be a disaster...or not. Even though I haven’t done this, I don’t feel like I missed out. How unfortunate it would be to have your girlfriend say to you later, “Why in the hell did you ever introduce me to him?” Ugh! :-)

girlygirlhoosier52 said...

I've never tried matchmaking... but I will add to your introduce people at a party... don't make them the only 2 unattached people there...

Di said...

have them do an activity together - either a volunteer activity like Habitat for Humanities, or organize a rafting party - something that they will both be excited about.

erin said...

I have only tried to play matchmaker once and it ended abysmally bad. It was between a coworker and a good friend. Turns out he was lying, cheating scum and my poor friend went a few months until his true colors showed. Ever since then, I've vowed never to do it again. Congrats on your happiness and thanks for sharing :)

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

I agree. Hopefully a friend lets it slide if you set them up with a dud. But a stranger? Probably not so much.

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

Well, yes, but if you're single, and you want dates, how do you find them? That's the eternal question for singles. Friends can be a great way to meet someone.

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

But Connie, if she's your friend, she'd forgive you (especially if the NEXT guy you introduce her to is amazing). That's the theory, anyway. In practice, I suspect it's more like Jane Austen's Emma!

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

Totally agree! During my dating days, I'd been on those set-ups where it's you and him and the other couple, and you don't click with him, it's a nightmare. Much easier at a party where there's other singles.

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

An activity is always good--it provides a distraction for them if things aren't going well, and if they both like the activity, they have something in common.

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

Oh, no! I hope your friend didn't get her heart broken. But better a broken heart, I suppose, than a lying, cheating boyfriend! And thanks for the congrats, Erin. Before I met my husband, I'd given up. I thought I'd never marry. Now, I can't imagine life without him. He cooks. :)

Beautiful Disaster said...

I am not a matchmaker because I probably wouldn't be good at it. I wouldn't want to be blamed either if the match went sour :)

Lil said...

I introduced 2 friends at school to each other. We all would hang out in the hallways for lunch in high school. They became quite an item. However, I got stuck with listening to each of them when they were unhappy with each other. They eventually broke up after HS but they have remained close friends to this day.

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

Nor should you be! I never have understood why the person engineering a set-up is blamed if it doesn't go well. On the other hand, Beautiful Disaster might be the perfect name for a matchmaker. Whether it goes right or wrong, you're covered. :)

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

Lil, I get stuck listening to my single friends even if I didn't match them up. :) But I figure it's payback. I'm sure I whined a lot when I was single.

Laney4 said...

I don't dare try to set anyone up. I have been converting our old magnetic photo albums into scrapbooks, and the one thing I have noticed is that every single wedding we attended from 1981 to 2001 has broken up already - except for family. Some of the post 2001 ones are still together, but given them time and they could very well join these statistics. YIKES!

Barbara E. said...

I have never tried to be a matchmaker, I've never been in a position to even try. I've had it tried on me, and the friend that tried to set me up ended up with the guy, since I wasn't interested.

Mary Preston said...

I would be game to try match-making. What if I got it all horribly wrong. Best not to meddle.

Eli Yanti said...

Never been matchmaker, but some of my friends do :)

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

Laney, that is so sad to hear. I hate the idea that so many marriages break up. It's so hard on kids.

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

Barbara, it's funny how one woman's great guy is some other woman's meh-not interested.

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

Mary, but introducing two people isn't meddling, is it? I mean, it's just an introduction. After that, of course, hands off. I think the key is to make sure no one in the situation has unrealistic expectations going in. I think because dating is so uncommon nowadays, people pin way too much hope on each date they do have. Back when dating was commonplace (so my mother tells me) no one thought of a date as anything more than that. She says dating was a lot like trying on clothes. You didn't really get emotionally invested in a guy until you checked him out thoroughly, which might take several dates.

Laura Lee Guhrke said...

Eli, I hope your friends have had some success?

Jo's Daughter said...

True, I am single and don't meet anyone. But after one disasterous set up with a guy described as romantic & turning out to be rather forward and scary gothic I promised myself not to be set up. Without meddeling I can't be blamed either if it doesn't work out.

thematch maker said...

Dating agencies is a convenient way to meet interesting people and initiate a relation of friendship and love. There is no hard and fast rule; you just have to interact and find out if you really get along-just like you do in real life. The only difference would be that the initial intro matchmaking would be through virtual medium. But, this would be even more amazing sing you would not have to meet and share your details in the first meeting itself. Take a good deal of time and decide whether there is something special between both of you.

Karen H in NC said...

Never been a matchmaker and don't think I'd ever try. My only experience with it was a blind date set up by my friend and her husband. The date was a friend of her husband. We eventually got married, but unfortunately, it didn't last. No HEA here. Love your books though and this one looks like a goody!

thematch maker said...

Tired of all the failed relationships? One should never lose hope because when one door closes another one definitely gets open. You can explore the matchmaking agency in Dublin by registering your name in it. Although the idea may not please you initially, you would be surprised with the results it offers you at free of cost. You get to so many fresh people with similar interests and likes due to which the idea of being along will never cross your mind. If you want you can meet your preferred profiles face to face one by one and find out the person with whom you share the best chemistry.